Taste, Grace, and Mercy
As summer emerges and the Northwest’s sun exposes itself
from behind the usual mass of clouds - at least briefly - fashions tend to
follow its example. Even Christian women deem it "beautiful and
tasteful" to show more skin in summer - though expose' isn't always
seasonal. So what does it matter, and should we draw the line somewhere? What
is really "tasteful" for a Christian woman?
Our question could be, “Should tasteful be less a consideration than . . . merciful?”
Sometimes we women don't fully understand our men's struggles and experiences. They, being the less verbal gender, aren't likely to make themselves vulnerable by sharing, especially on the subject of male hormones. Should any man admit to temptation from our immodesty, he’d be discredited, judged, and misunderstood by those he cares about, so very few are likely to be openly honest on that topic. If we love the men in our lives, and respect others of whom we associate, we are wise to take a deeper look into our own knowledge and understanding of them.
Just as we women have difficulty responding in a genuinely happy manner to a serious irritation once already in a bad mood (our hormonal-cross to bear), it's good to make ourselves aware that men have difficulty responding appropriately to certain visual cues (their hormonal-cross to bear, i.e. to learn to control). Where we may believe men are only tempted by such “innocent” visuals if they are “sexual deviates,” such hormones are across the board and totally normal according to Jeff and Shaunti Feldhahn, highly-respected authors of For Men Only and For Women Only.
I recently heard that of the secular population, 50 percent of men are active with pornography. So . . . what about church stats? The same - exactly the same, which means if you divide a church down the preverbal middle isle, all the men on one side or the other are involved in pornography no matter their godly appearance. It could be the head elder, the pastor . . . and even the guy cozying up next to you in the pew - we are talking 50 percent of the church. It is a real addiction.
Now please don't go to church this weekend and point fingers. Since we cannot know another's heart, such general condemnation would be most anti-Christian. My point is that it's more of a struggle than we realize or are even willing to believe, and if we say, "No way! They would never do that," then we expose our naivety of the trial our men have to bear. As Mark Gunger, Pastor, Marriage Counselor, and author of Laugh Your Way to a Better Marriage, says, "It runs [in] our blood and it drives us crazy! If you, girls, knew how much this drove us crazy (long pause) . . . you'd be more disgusted with us than you are right now," at which point the crowd erupts in laughter, but we need to take it seriously. We must not point fingers, but we must grasp the reality of the world in which we live.
When we expose cleavage, shoulders, thighs, backs, navels, or intimate body curves with sheer or tight apparel, one of three responses will occur: 1) the godly man notices, but he still must put forth an effort to consciously avoid the view – he must focus to not-focus on the obvious. He might be looking at the ceiling, peering intently into our eyes, doing everything to avoid the temptation presented - all the while being very uncomfortable, and we won't have a clue. The second scenario is where the same godly man tries the same avoidance, isn't so successful, and this temptation puts him over the top. He is soon back into his formerly forsaken habits – and again, we haven't a clue of our impact. Scenario number three is when the habit is not shunned, he makes no attempt to control his thoughts, and sin is occurring right then and there - again, no one has a clue. It’s all about learning self-control, but few are taught in their early years, making it much more difficult to conquer self later, especially at the age of raging hormones and rampant accessibility.
It's natural for some of us to be indignant about the idea that we women could be responsible for a man's lack of self-control. We ought to be able to wear what we please, and men should just bear it graciously without affecting their salvation. Where this may be true in theory, I accept my role in this cosmic battle as that of supporter for my weaker brother or sister no matter the area of concern. We are a godly team. I would much rather my husband avoid bringing home maple bars every week, as I can easily over- indulge and eat the entire dozen. Appetite is appetite no matter which kind, and it was the first temptation over which Christ agonized in the desert. The lack of control in any area of appetite can be a threat to salvation – even mine. We cannot know with what our brethren struggle, but as a loving sister in Christ, I hope to recognize the reality of the issue by providing more support than condemnation. Yes, in a perfect world, our dress shouldn't matter, but we live in a cosmic conflict. They may overcome in spite of us, but godly men have expressed great appreciation and admiration for the woman who respects them by choosing not to "flaunt the wares."
That's just one train of thought, but the following inspiration from Ministry of Healing takes it a step further, advice that could apply to any outward adornment from jewelry to hair, nails, clothing, and possibly even houses and cars:
" 'In like manner also, that women adorn themselves in modest apparel' (I Tim 2:9). This forbids display in dress, gaudy colors, profuse ornamentation. Any device designed to attract attention to the wearer or to excite admiration, is excluded from the modest apparel which God's word enjoins . . . . It was the adversary of all good who instigated the invention of the ever-changing fashions . . . yet so great is the power of fashion that evil continues. In all respects the dress should be healthful . . . and we are to be workers together with Him for the health of soul and body. Both are promoted by healthful dress . . . . Everything worn should be so loose that when the arms are raised, the clothing will be correspondingly lifted . . . . It should have the grace, the beauty, the appropriateness of natural simplicity. Christ has warned us against the pride of life, but not against its grace and natural beauty"(MH p 287, italics supplied).
By the grace of God, that we may support our men's sanctification process, as well as our own, by dressing to glorify God in this cosmic battle. Perhaps we will have just a shadow of his star in our crown . . . .
Our question could be, “Should tasteful be less a consideration than . . . merciful?”
Sometimes we women don't fully understand our men's struggles and experiences. They, being the less verbal gender, aren't likely to make themselves vulnerable by sharing, especially on the subject of male hormones. Should any man admit to temptation from our immodesty, he’d be discredited, judged, and misunderstood by those he cares about, so very few are likely to be openly honest on that topic. If we love the men in our lives, and respect others of whom we associate, we are wise to take a deeper look into our own knowledge and understanding of them.
Just as we women have difficulty responding in a genuinely happy manner to a serious irritation once already in a bad mood (our hormonal-cross to bear), it's good to make ourselves aware that men have difficulty responding appropriately to certain visual cues (their hormonal-cross to bear, i.e. to learn to control). Where we may believe men are only tempted by such “innocent” visuals if they are “sexual deviates,” such hormones are across the board and totally normal according to Jeff and Shaunti Feldhahn, highly-respected authors of For Men Only and For Women Only.
I recently heard that of the secular population, 50 percent of men are active with pornography. So . . . what about church stats? The same - exactly the same, which means if you divide a church down the preverbal middle isle, all the men on one side or the other are involved in pornography no matter their godly appearance. It could be the head elder, the pastor . . . and even the guy cozying up next to you in the pew - we are talking 50 percent of the church. It is a real addiction.
Now please don't go to church this weekend and point fingers. Since we cannot know another's heart, such general condemnation would be most anti-Christian. My point is that it's more of a struggle than we realize or are even willing to believe, and if we say, "No way! They would never do that," then we expose our naivety of the trial our men have to bear. As Mark Gunger, Pastor, Marriage Counselor, and author of Laugh Your Way to a Better Marriage, says, "It runs [in] our blood and it drives us crazy! If you, girls, knew how much this drove us crazy (long pause) . . . you'd be more disgusted with us than you are right now," at which point the crowd erupts in laughter, but we need to take it seriously. We must not point fingers, but we must grasp the reality of the world in which we live.
When we expose cleavage, shoulders, thighs, backs, navels, or intimate body curves with sheer or tight apparel, one of three responses will occur: 1) the godly man notices, but he still must put forth an effort to consciously avoid the view – he must focus to not-focus on the obvious. He might be looking at the ceiling, peering intently into our eyes, doing everything to avoid the temptation presented - all the while being very uncomfortable, and we won't have a clue. The second scenario is where the same godly man tries the same avoidance, isn't so successful, and this temptation puts him over the top. He is soon back into his formerly forsaken habits – and again, we haven't a clue of our impact. Scenario number three is when the habit is not shunned, he makes no attempt to control his thoughts, and sin is occurring right then and there - again, no one has a clue. It’s all about learning self-control, but few are taught in their early years, making it much more difficult to conquer self later, especially at the age of raging hormones and rampant accessibility.
It's natural for some of us to be indignant about the idea that we women could be responsible for a man's lack of self-control. We ought to be able to wear what we please, and men should just bear it graciously without affecting their salvation. Where this may be true in theory, I accept my role in this cosmic battle as that of supporter for my weaker brother or sister no matter the area of concern. We are a godly team. I would much rather my husband avoid bringing home maple bars every week, as I can easily over- indulge and eat the entire dozen. Appetite is appetite no matter which kind, and it was the first temptation over which Christ agonized in the desert. The lack of control in any area of appetite can be a threat to salvation – even mine. We cannot know with what our brethren struggle, but as a loving sister in Christ, I hope to recognize the reality of the issue by providing more support than condemnation. Yes, in a perfect world, our dress shouldn't matter, but we live in a cosmic conflict. They may overcome in spite of us, but godly men have expressed great appreciation and admiration for the woman who respects them by choosing not to "flaunt the wares."
That's just one train of thought, but the following inspiration from Ministry of Healing takes it a step further, advice that could apply to any outward adornment from jewelry to hair, nails, clothing, and possibly even houses and cars:
" 'In like manner also, that women adorn themselves in modest apparel' (I Tim 2:9). This forbids display in dress, gaudy colors, profuse ornamentation. Any device designed to attract attention to the wearer or to excite admiration, is excluded from the modest apparel which God's word enjoins . . . . It was the adversary of all good who instigated the invention of the ever-changing fashions . . . yet so great is the power of fashion that evil continues. In all respects the dress should be healthful . . . and we are to be workers together with Him for the health of soul and body. Both are promoted by healthful dress . . . . Everything worn should be so loose that when the arms are raised, the clothing will be correspondingly lifted . . . . It should have the grace, the beauty, the appropriateness of natural simplicity. Christ has warned us against the pride of life, but not against its grace and natural beauty"(MH p 287, italics supplied).
By the grace of God, that we may support our men's sanctification process, as well as our own, by dressing to glorify God in this cosmic battle. Perhaps we will have just a shadow of his star in our crown . . . .
