Caution: Up To Date is designed to be read in a linear fashion, as each chapter builds on principles established in the previous chapters. For your best relationship success, begin with the introduction and progress chapter by chapter.
Chapter Eight
The Plan - An Overview
"Therefore whosoever heareth these sayings of mine, and doeth them,
I will liken him unto a wise man, which built his house upon a rock" (Matthew 7:24).
The majority of Up to Date is about preparation, which requires the most effort, greatest dedication, and some significant sacrifice. The more focused the preparation, the more fun while dating and the more successful the marriage. "Why," you might ask. Because with efficient prep you'll avoid worry from disappointing mistakes while wooing, you'll know what to expect, and you'll know how to act instead of react so minor relationship traumas don’t become cardiac arrests. Being prepared just makes dating a lot more fun.
When it comes to planning, this story examples all the best principles in God’s plan. He saw the light and went to task.
Jesse "volunteered" for a local ministry, which did not provide an adequate wage on which to live, as is the case with many ministries. He was on the Lord’s business with no intention of dating. Then Annie came on the scene. As they became acquainted over time, he slipped and fell, in love of course . . . directly against his will.
So he must have started dating her, right? Nope! In fact, he told her that he could not commit to a relationship at that point. He had some "stuff" to figure out, some things to accomplish. Not only did he need to accept that this unplanned event would impact his life, he had to realize that he really wanted it to impact his life.
Jesse did a great deal of sorting out with God: was this God’s plan? Is he ready to be a spiritual leader? Is his connection with God what it should be?
Once he was reassured of his spiritual strength and direction in Christ as it pertained to a family, he then assessed his financial situation: did he have the resources needed to support a wife? He decided on a career that would accommodate the "newness" in his life and immediately began to pursue that goal.
He realized that getting a new job didn’t mean he was bailing on God. Perhaps with a godly example, he could witness more effectively at work than anywhere else. Having settled this, he made some proactive decisions and stepped out of his comfort zone, which included seeking her parent’s permission to date.
After he obtained permission, he expressed a serious interested to Annie. Being springtime, he asked if she would be willing to continue in their friendship until fall when he would not only have the full plan in his mind, but it would be well set into action. She felt very willing, content, and secure in that arrangement.
After a few months Jesse started his new job as apprentice and settled into a formal dating arrangement.
Jesse worked and they dated for a year. He rented an apartment and was ready to bring home a wife, so having asked her parent’s permission again, he proposed. Of course, he received a resounding "yes"—from both parties.
Summary: Jesse answered the call into God’s service, he put into action God’s will for his life without self-seeking, and then God provided Annie. Jesse then provided for Annie. Jesse was right-on in his preparation and dating process.
The Plan - An Overview
"Therefore whosoever heareth these sayings of mine, and doeth them,
I will liken him unto a wise man, which built his house upon a rock" (Matthew 7:24).
The majority of Up to Date is about preparation, which requires the most effort, greatest dedication, and some significant sacrifice. The more focused the preparation, the more fun while dating and the more successful the marriage. "Why," you might ask. Because with efficient prep you'll avoid worry from disappointing mistakes while wooing, you'll know what to expect, and you'll know how to act instead of react so minor relationship traumas don’t become cardiac arrests. Being prepared just makes dating a lot more fun.
When it comes to planning, this story examples all the best principles in God’s plan. He saw the light and went to task.
Jesse "volunteered" for a local ministry, which did not provide an adequate wage on which to live, as is the case with many ministries. He was on the Lord’s business with no intention of dating. Then Annie came on the scene. As they became acquainted over time, he slipped and fell, in love of course . . . directly against his will.
So he must have started dating her, right? Nope! In fact, he told her that he could not commit to a relationship at that point. He had some "stuff" to figure out, some things to accomplish. Not only did he need to accept that this unplanned event would impact his life, he had to realize that he really wanted it to impact his life.
Jesse did a great deal of sorting out with God: was this God’s plan? Is he ready to be a spiritual leader? Is his connection with God what it should be?
Once he was reassured of his spiritual strength and direction in Christ as it pertained to a family, he then assessed his financial situation: did he have the resources needed to support a wife? He decided on a career that would accommodate the "newness" in his life and immediately began to pursue that goal.
He realized that getting a new job didn’t mean he was bailing on God. Perhaps with a godly example, he could witness more effectively at work than anywhere else. Having settled this, he made some proactive decisions and stepped out of his comfort zone, which included seeking her parent’s permission to date.
After he obtained permission, he expressed a serious interested to Annie. Being springtime, he asked if she would be willing to continue in their friendship until fall when he would not only have the full plan in his mind, but it would be well set into action. She felt very willing, content, and secure in that arrangement.
After a few months Jesse started his new job as apprentice and settled into a formal dating arrangement.
Jesse worked and they dated for a year. He rented an apartment and was ready to bring home a wife, so having asked her parent’s permission again, he proposed. Of course, he received a resounding "yes"—from both parties.
Summary: Jesse answered the call into God’s service, he put into action God’s will for his life without self-seeking, and then God provided Annie. Jesse then provided for Annie. Jesse was right-on in his preparation and dating process.
Each courtship has different variables. There is not one right way, but there are many wrong ways. Let’s take a brief look at an efficient dating plan.
Dating Plan Outline
Included in the plan are three phases to dating, each phase having specific stages of progression that must be accomplished before moving on to the next stage. If you don't meet the goal, you don't move on to the next step - ever. However, meeting the goal does not automatically move you to the next stage unless the time-frame has also been met.
1. An introduction is always a good place to start a dating plan, but do wait for at least six month before officially dating.
2. After knowing each other for six months to one year, he initiates an exclusive relationship and the dating begins. This is the discovery phase and involves three stages, each with their own defined progression and goals: early dating (first twelve months), middle dating (the following six months), late dating ( the next few months).
3. Engagement (beginning about two years after initiating dating but lasting no longer than four to six months).
4. Wedding (after knowing him/her for at least two and one-half to three years).
Though some parts of prep are important to accomplish before dating, the plan does not require that you "have every duck in a row" prior to initiating dating. Sometimes raising the "ducks" together can strengthen the relationship. However, it is important to begin stepping toward a reasonable dating plan with attainable goals in a timely manner before you initiate a relationship. At some point, one of the steps becomes big enough for two people, and that's where you make the dating commitment.
Mutual commitment fosters mutual security (and a lot more fun) when roles are understood in advance. In the following chapters we'll take a look at some practical, attainable goals, but first, let's boost a little confidence by defining relationship roles - another opportunity to go retro.
Dating Plan Outline
Included in the plan are three phases to dating, each phase having specific stages of progression that must be accomplished before moving on to the next stage. If you don't meet the goal, you don't move on to the next step - ever. However, meeting the goal does not automatically move you to the next stage unless the time-frame has also been met.
1. An introduction is always a good place to start a dating plan, but do wait for at least six month before officially dating.
2. After knowing each other for six months to one year, he initiates an exclusive relationship and the dating begins. This is the discovery phase and involves three stages, each with their own defined progression and goals: early dating (first twelve months), middle dating (the following six months), late dating ( the next few months).
3. Engagement (beginning about two years after initiating dating but lasting no longer than four to six months).
4. Wedding (after knowing him/her for at least two and one-half to three years).
Though some parts of prep are important to accomplish before dating, the plan does not require that you "have every duck in a row" prior to initiating dating. Sometimes raising the "ducks" together can strengthen the relationship. However, it is important to begin stepping toward a reasonable dating plan with attainable goals in a timely manner before you initiate a relationship. At some point, one of the steps becomes big enough for two people, and that's where you make the dating commitment.
Mutual commitment fosters mutual security (and a lot more fun) when roles are understood in advance. In the following chapters we'll take a look at some practical, attainable goals, but first, let's boost a little confidence by defining relationship roles - another opportunity to go retro.
